Early morning thoughts: energy and the universe

Hey guys,

So it’s been a few days since I’ve written on here and there’s a reason for it. I’ve taken a few days to just let everything I’ve learned from this retreat/mini escapade to settle in and make sense with my environment.

It may be too early to tell with some people but personally I’ve already seen a change in myself. I find myself evaluating my thoughts and feelings, making sure there always positive and content and not worrying anxiously and doubtful about the future. Like I said in the last post, life is about enjoying the moment and not taking everything so personally.

I know there will be days where it will be difficult but with this reformed energy and thinking I know that I can maintain it.

I’ve become even more spiritual than I was before. I’m very interested in the how the universe works with our energies. It’s amazing how the universe connects everyone and how thoughts affect everything.

I read in a book that I’m reading that everyone one of us is simply energy and like the laws of energy… It cannot be created or destroyed. Our energies is in constant motions, it never rests and that energy follows thought. This means that what ever you think: positive or negative, happy or sad, hopeful or hopeless that is what you’ll get in return and this shapes how your life will be lived. It’s by a simple thought. Something so easy to change.

We are all connected somehow either by the internet, social media and just having basic emotions. All of these things uses and needs energy. It takes energy to feel compassion, to move our fingers when texting or using the internet and to watch the news.

So it’s important that you create a positive and fulfilling life in which can help you become a better person as well as inspire or encourage people who have trouble with creating positive energy. People and everything around that has life like animals or plants can feel other energies. Just imagine releasing a light within yourself and simply smiling or believing everything will be ok.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. All it takes is patience which is another important aspect with energy and the universe. Desire is the planting seed and which can create passion and dreams. Whatever you want I believe will be felt in the universe and know that things will align soon.

I will be creating a vision board and a t chart. I will be putting what I want in life: my passions, my dreams, what I want in the future. Take your time to think about what you want. Clarity is power.

After all, it’s your life. Don’t forget to let loose and have fun. :) do something that has always scared you or something you don’t do often like getting a tattoo, jumping out of a plane or simply telling a friend, a family member/significant other you love them.

No regrets. No fear.

Xo CoCo <3

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Starting Over

Hey guys,

This week has been so eye-opening. I’ve learned so much about life. I’ve learned so much about myself and energy and the power positive thinking.

I wanted to use this post as a start of something new. I’ve been using this blog so wrong. I’ve realized I’ve used this blog to reveal negative thoughts, unnecessary “secrets”, using this place as a place to hide even more from the truth and others. It was fear.

There is no need for a blog to be a place for revealing EVERYTHING. The thing I learned this trip so far is that no one needs to know everything. You are in control of your thoughts, problems and you need to deal with them yourself with a positive attitude! I also learned that people don’t care as much as we think we do. I’ve been so worried about how to please others and never took the time to put myself first. I never realized how much focus I put on others to make me happy. I relied on others to give me happiness
When In reality, all you really need is a positive energy to help you through the struggles of life.

We are all connected. We are connected through the universe and our energies work with what we give and what we give is what we receive from them. Everything you see happening is the consequence of what which you are

However I think the most important thing I’ve learned is the concept of letting go of the past. I’ve held so much anger towards my negative experiences. I’ve been holding on to the sadness of it all. I’m ready to let everything go. So this a start of it…

I want to apologize to people I’ve hurt in the last couple of months. Whether it’s people I’ve known forever or people I just met. If I hurt you with my actions or words, I really am sorry. I hope you realize that part of me was a dark period and I’m on the path of where I was before everything happened. I know it takes more than an apology. I also know that you may or may not accept it. For once, I am doing this for me because as I said it before I am ready to move on and it’s now up to you guys on whether you still want me in your lives. Don’t worry about me and just think about your feelings and thoughts. In the end, this is your life. You do what you gotta do.

This blog is now going to be different.

I’ve stopped relying on others to make my decisions and I know I’m strong enough to make my own decisions on what I want. I’m going to tackle on that wall of fear that I’ve put up and conquer it. Everything you want is on the other side of fear and I know what I want.

Also I’m ready to just enjoy life and enjoy the moment and not worry about the future as I have before. Memories and experience is what makes life what it is. I’m ready to be have fun and be that adventurous person I know I am!

Welcome to cocoparadise 2.0

And I wish everyone a motivating, fun and kick ass weekend.

Xo CoCo

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Facing a Fear

Hey guys,

I can’t believe it’s already July. This year has gone by so fast, the older you get the more you realize how fast months go by, It’s crazy.

In a few hours, I’ll be in beautiful British Columbia. Specifically, Half Moon Bay. Some people are probably really confused on my plans. I know it’s been confusing and crazy and sudden. Just imagine how I feel! It’s been exhausting yet really exciting. 

I’ve said in previous posts how I have a hard time with the truth, how I don’t like to show my real emotions and how I bottle things up until I pop. Another thing I’ve said before is that I’m a person who thinks a lot and about everything and anything. I can get so lost in my thoughts that sometimes I forget I’m breathing. There’s just so many questions out there that are unanswered and I want them answered. It’s a leo thing, I think.

I’m writing this to face a fear. It’s time to get everything straightened out. Let’s rock & roll.



Facing Fears

Okay.. So,  the truth. ahhhhhhhhhh the truth. let us all ahhh together.

A few months ago, I had a major nervous breakdown. I hit my personal low. No one knows about this, not even my best friend or family knows about this. 

I have a hard time talking about it because I find it really embarrassing and humiliating. Why?

Well, look at my life. There’s nothing wrong with it. My family is amazing, I have the best parents a child could ask for. I have two amazing siblings who I can count on. I go to a really good school that I am lucky to attend and I have a job that makes me feel important.,

However, there was something in my life that happened to me a few months ago. A horrible memory and no, it wasn’t my car accident. The constant thought of it hindered everything in my life. It changed me. My thinking of my life turned from happy, grateful normal Hannah to confused, angry and anxious Hannah. 

It began with school, I felt rushed like there was a deadline for everything. Then in my family, I felt the pressure from my parents to be the best because they sacrificed everything for their kids, Then with relationships, I wanted to make everyone in my life happy and wanted so bad for people to like me and look at me and say “That girl is doing everything right, she’s an inspiration”

It was an emotional and mental struggle with wanting my life to be perfect vs the reality of what my life was heading towards.



Future

I do not want to go into detail yet regarding my breakdown. I’m not 100% ready to talk about it but I know I will eventually. 

All I can say is that having this breakdown scared me shitless, I was lucky… I literally looked in a mirror after I calmed and said “What the fuck are you doing, Hannah. You know better”  I promised myself that I will do better. Go back to that Hannah that everyone knew. 

I’ve told numerous people that Calgary isn’t my home anymore and that I’ve done everything I could here. However, I don’t know if that’s really true. I feel like I said that because I was trying to run away from myself and the problems. I was lying to all of you guys and I’m truly sorry. 

So I don’t know If i’m 100% moving but I don’t know if I’m 100% staying.

The truth is, I’m going to BC for a retreat. A place where I can truly focus on myself and not have external factors be a distraction. I can honestly say I think this will help me, I won’t have my phone and no internet to help me run away from my problems.

As much as I hate what happened to me and how much I blame myself for putting myself in that situation it happened and I have to deal with it.

I spent these few months a pretty miserable person. I really hid that part well because like I said what happened to me is something I find humiliating. I tried so hard to fill a void in my heart that has been taken away from me and I’ve hurt people in the process, that sucks the most.

This retreat I won’t have any contact whatsoever so I won’t be uploading any posts for the next few days. I will be bringing a journal and I hope to share my experiences once I’m ready. Fingers crossed guys I really am going to need it. I’m genuinely going to miss this community and miss my friends and family. Xoxoxo hope I won’t be missing too much.

‘Till next time

Xoxo CoCo

5 songs you should listen to before bed

Hey guys, I’m so tired. Today has been such a long, hot day. I’ve been cleaning the whole day and I just came back from playing some kick ass basketball and now I can’t sleep. So what do I decide to do? Write on here!

When I am not over at a friends house sleeping over, I have an extensive nightly routine that I must follow. It goes like this: put hair in bun, clean face, brush teeth, face mask, tend eyebrows, mouthwash, stretch, meditate, if in mood write on blog and must listen to my night songs before I sleep. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I am the lightest sleeper ever as well as someone who can’t sleep right away.

I have several songs I need to listen to in order to have a good nights rest. No one knows about this but It’s a gooder. Remember a good nights rest = Happy, happy Hannah. So here are some of the top songs I usually listen to before I sleep. I have a lot more but these lucky ones are the ones I’ve been listening to lately.


1. The Beatles – Let It Be

“I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be”

Are you surprised? Of course I’m putting a Beatles song on here! This song is great when you’ve had a horrible day, especially a frustrating day like if nothing went your way. This song has helped me take away a lot of anger or sadness I’ve experienced during the day and that has carried on until it’s bed time. It’s calming and just reminds you that you just need to let things go and let whatever worries you be because there is always an answer, even if its not clear or right in your face at first.

2. Lana Del Rey – Gods & Monsters

“You got that medicine I need Dope, shoot it up, straight to the heart, please. I don’t really wanna know what’s good for me. God’s dead, I said ‘baby that’s alright with me'”

I know that the first thing people are going to say is “This song Hannah, Really?!” I feel like this song is highly underrated for a Lana Del Rey song. Why I listen to this song before bed is because the lyrics are so relate-able. I listen to this song and it reminds me that no matter what I do, life is screwed up and we just have to live day by day and deal with the problems we have straight on. Personally, this song also speaks a lot about my confusion in life and my views or relationship I have with religion. So it’s good to know that someone literally wrote how I felt. Love you Lana.

3. Coldplay – The Scientist 

“Questions of science, science and progress. Do not speak as loud as my heart”

This by far is not only a song I must listen to before bed but one of my favourite songs ever. When I listen to this song before I sleep, It just tears me up. Another song to listen to when you’ve had a bad, emotional day. It’s about loss and keeping things bottled up (which I do) and that could range from a failed relationship, self defeat to death of a loved one. This song just speaks the truth about the adversity of feeling lost, helpless, confusion, etc. Questions you ask yourself won’t give you a black and white answer all the time but a grey area which can suck sometimes.

4. Drake – Over

” I’m doing me. I’m living life right now man and this what I’m do ’til it’s over”

I absolutely love Drake. I have the biggest crush on this guy and I don’t know why. This was the first song I ever heard from him and I just need to listen to this song before I sleep. It’s motivating and it’s like a big fuck you to the world for being fucking awesome. Whenever I’ve had a good day and looking to forward to the next day this is definitely the song I listen to. This also helps me when I’m super, super nervous, excited or anxious about something that is happening the next day. Don’t laugh at me but when I need to do a presentation in front of like 100 students I will listen to this song the night before. A confidence booster for sure.

5. Damien Rice – Volcano

“What I am to you is not real. What I am to you, you do not need. What I am to you is not what you mean to me.”

I adore this song. It’s a song that I listen to with my mediation. Just like Coldplay this song is about the frustrations. However this is more aimed towards volatile relationships. This song helped me go through my first heartbreak when I would be up all night thinking on whether the decision the guy and I made was right or not. However as time went on this song always reminds me to check myself. It reminds me to make sure the decisions I make are the right ones for me in the present and the future. The music is haunting and the emotions in this song are so raw. It’s a great song. You can’t help but put it on repeat.

+ Honourable mention

Eminem – Space Bound

“You want them when they don’t want you Soon as they do feelings change. It’s not a contest and I ain’t on no conquest for no mate I wasn’t looking when I stumbled onto you must’ve been fate. But so much is at stake what the fuck does it take”

This whole song is just fucking genius. Like Lana, he just totally wrote how I can feel sometimes. If I had his creativity I’d be so happy. All I’m going to say is listen to this song. One of his best songs hands down. If you’ve ever had a relationship that’s either been one-sided or been in a relationship where you’ve been played, betrayed or hurt his is the song to listen to.


As you can see, I love all music. I don;t have a type. I’m just over the place with music, I’m an easy pleaser when it comes to it. These 5 songs are very special to me and I hope you guys take a moment to listen to them! I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.

This post not only made me really sleepy but made me appreciate my routine. I’m so happy right now. Music is life.

’till next time xoxo CoCo

P.S if you guys have any song recommendation, feel free to hit me up! :) I love when people show me new things!

Mind: What to do? What to do?

Hey guys!

Hope everything is going alright.

Sorry I have’t been posting a lot. I don’t know if anyone of you guys know but this time in Calgary is pretty wild. I’ve been non-stop partying at the Stampede! woooot! I think I had a total of 15 hours of sleep all weekend but I’m happy with how everything has turned out this weekend.

So this morning I went home to find a letter from my school informing me that I am officially accepted into International Relations. This is a program in which I wanted to be in for a very long time. I’ve been working my way into wanting to get accepted and I honestly thought I wasn’t going to get in. I’ve applied to a lot programs in all different sorts of schools and it’s either I don’t get in or I’ve realized I don’t want to do it.

School is definitely something that makes me go crazy. I know I want to be able to help people but I just don’t know how and what.

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international whaaaat

One of the most important things I want to do is to earn my degree. Honestly, it’s for my parents. Like a lot of immigrant families, they came here for their children to do better and be better than what they had when they were younger. My mom always tell me “We just want you guys to earn your degrees, that’s all your dad and I want.” This makes me feel very pressured and It’s hard especially when you’re at an age where most things are confusing and new.

Anyway, the main thing that’s making me confused is if I should stay now for school. This is a great opportunity and deep down inside I feel like it’s a sign. However, I’m at this age where I want adventure and meaning to my life because I can’t find it. It’s going to be a hard decision.

I’m leaving in 8 days to a place where I hope I will be able to make a smart decision with everything in my life.

‘Till next time

xo CoCo

I’m going to sleep cause I am one tired motherf zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

 

Expeirment Proposal: Men and dates

Hey guys,

Today I want to talk about Men and dates. Why? Well I heard a funny story today whilst waiting in line at a Tim Hortons.

Fun Fact: I am the word’s best eavesdropper

. It was these two bulky and I am assuming 40 year old men talking about my favourite subject: Tinder. I’m going to call the buds Tom & Jerry just because one really did look like a cat (which is not an insult, he just looked like a cat) Also this convo is semi exactly what they said, so just work with me.

Tom: “I’m going on a date, a Tinder date”

Jerry: “Whatcha guys gonna do?

” Tom: “We’re gonna go bowling and then have dinner”

Jerry: “Nice brah, what she look like” (he really did say brah and I did not approve)

Tom: “Her name is Erika, she’s hot”

Jerry: “Don’t be a dick eh. Girls don’t like that. Let her win”

Tom: “She’s pretty cool man, or at least from what we talk about. She seems like a legit  girl”

Jerry: “What do you mean?”

Tom: “Don’t want to jinx it but there was a legit connection. It’s going to be a good date, I can feel it. “

Jerry: “you bests be joking”

Jerry just laughs and laughs and laughs. I feel for Tom as he’s very embarrassed and tells him to “fuck off”

I wonder.. What do guys talk about before dates? From what I heard from Tom & Jerry were kind of like how women would talk before a date. There’s always a person who just laughs at your face. Personally, I think it’s because their jealous. But hey that’s just me.

I’d like to dedicate this short post to Tom because Tom is a very brave man for two reasons.

  1. The fact he openly talked about his plans this evening to half of the people in line who just wanted an Iced Cap on a hot day. Also I will put an extra high five for admitting it was a Tinder date
  2. Not punching his kind of a douche bag friend in the face for laughing for about 20 minutes (no joke) about his expectations on the girl and date! I find it kind of endearing.

So any men who follow my blog, let me know! I love hearing anything related with the opposite sex because let’s face it, men and women are very very very different. which is a great thing but also a horrible thing.

As a fellow blogger once said to me. Men, we can’t live with ya and we sure can’t live without ya.

Especially when we need to open a jar. Women hands are not equipped for that shit. People need to make smaller caps! If they do, then maybe women can live without men. again that;s just me.

Till next time

xo Coco

Hacked…mofo

1 pill, 2 pills, 3 pills and then 4.
5 pills, 6 pills, 7 pills and then 8.

I see a girl sleeping on a couch. Her name is Hannah and she said a lot of important things to me today. She says she wants everyone to be happy yet she isn’t her self but don’t you worry Hannah you’ll find it soon. Cuz you’ve been hacked You batch of cookies. You are beautiful inside and out and you don’t even know it. I mean look at that photo!

Never ever leave your open journal in people’s houses because I now know all your secrets and passwords hehehehee ;)

Three things I love about this girl.

1. Generosity
2. Her big heart, girl don’t know her heart is as big as this world. So much ambition and love
3. Humor/Her laugh. she claims she doesn’t have humor but guys she does.

Love you baby girl. Don’t give up! I want you to read this and laugh cuz I know you will.

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